my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize