I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
