Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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