put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found your dick twin last night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
