i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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