Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
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