Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
