whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
