Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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