Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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