so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize
