It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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