pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
