hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i've created a new STD.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
