i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
