Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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