Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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