she looked like the before picture.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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