I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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