help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
