I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
