So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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