I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
