I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
