Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
