I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
