There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
