I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize