life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
