tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
