OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
