We won't sleep together?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize