Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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