You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
