And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
