Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
