I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
