If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
