Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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