i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This is my gift to your gina
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We are all done wearing pants today
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
