Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
