Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
i've created a new STD.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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