I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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