fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
