her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
