i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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