Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
