i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize