Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm bleeding and have questions
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
