Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
