I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
