I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
