quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
