I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
