i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
