Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize