Sponge bath it is.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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