i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
