You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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