I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
