That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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