Whod you bang
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
