I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
