Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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