Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
