Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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