You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
