I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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