The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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