You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
