hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize