I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
