I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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