Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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