yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
