I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
