maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize