yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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