and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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