Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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