My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
