So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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