Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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