College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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