Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
