sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The best revenge is premature balding
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Let the clothes fall where they may.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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