Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We have so much sex to catch up on
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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