I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
