The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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