too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
