my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
