I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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